I’m not real big on making New Year’s resolutions. If there’s something I’m going to do, I’m doing it right away. I’m too impatient to wait once I’ve made my mind up. (Except for quitting smoking. I did it, but I drug that shit out cause it was haaaard.) I don’t think I’ll magically do something because it occurs on a particular date. Saying, “I’ll do it when . . .” allows me to put it off for that mythological “Someday” we all know. However, I have decided that I do have a few goals for this year.

First, I’m going to get in shape. Since I quit smoking, I’ve been slowly gaining weight–nearly 50 pounds. That would be “bulking up” if I was a football player. However, I am a 40-year-old, 5′ 3″ tall woman. So I, at 187lbs., am well-fed FAT. That is technically obese people! 😮

I don’t want to be round! Thus, it is time to get moving. It is hard to admit how much I weigh, but there is an accountability in publicity.

I expressed a wish for an elliptical machine because my mother reminded me of how much I liked them at the gym. If I had one, there wouldn’t be room for excuses to stay fat and immobile. And a wonderful person bought me one for Christmas! I won’t mention his name to avoid embarrassing him. However, I will say that his name begins with “brother” and ends with “in-law.” I have been using it nearly every day. I started slowly and am building up pace and time. I am already feeling better and it is getting easier. I am so grateful for this generous gift. Thanks B_I_L!

From the side to show the wide. Ha!

My husband called, but I didn’t stop moving!

Why?

My second goal is to feel comfortable again. I’ve spent the last year being so uncomfortable–in body and mind. My last chemo is Friday. Although I still have a surgery on the horizon, I’m positive that I will feel better physically this year than I did last year.  And once I get rid of this knee we call a boob, I’ll feel tremendously better. I’m so tired of bouncing off of stuff cause I don’t know where “I” am. Last year was port surgery, then chemo, then mastectomy, then radiation, and the last two while receiving maintenance chemo. I’m ready to be me again.

I had started taking medication for anxiety and depression about two years before my diagnosis. I’m honestly not sure if those symptoms were symptoms of the cancer. I don’t think so as I felt better after starting the meds. Yet, there may have been a reaction from my body towards the cancer too. There is no way to really know if it is chemical or was a reaction, but I am hoping I can start stepping down on the medication soon. To work on reducing my anxiety and depression, I have been finding ways to decompress not related to pills. I have been practicing mindful breathing. I’ve decreased caffeine intake. I’ve increased tea intake. (Shout out to George and Mary Ann for the Tieguanyin [China Iron Goddess of Mercy] and Jin Xuan [Taiwan milk oolong] teas!)  I know exercising will help me mentally as well.

Mainly, I’m just sure that I want to be as comfortable as our cat, Boo Radley. Boo is comfortable with who and where he is in life. Always has been. From day one, he has behaved as if he was home.

He lays flat on his back wherever he deems comfortable.

He’ll acknowledge when he is called, but in a very lackadaisical way.

While he appreciates the attention, he’s quite comfortable where he is at the moment.

And he ain’t going to stop being comfortable.

But when he does choose to move, he loves just as much as he lounges.

I guess my goal this year is to be more like my cat in every way. He’s at a healthy weight, is comfortable in his body, and loves with his soul. I can do that.